My right hip has been giving me trouble for years. Being a massage therapists. You put your body through the ringer. Being a massage therapists, means you’re poor. Don’t believe the hype of those massage school commercials. Most therapists have a second, “real” job, or have a partner with a great job with benefits. I live in the USA. We have the biggest, bloated, misappropriating, defense budget, in the world. But, we can’t afford universal health care. That is why I waited so long to seek help. I worked myself to near death, out of pride. I didn’t want to rely on social safety nets. That is for people who really need it. Well, now I’m one of those people. Unable to work the back breaking schedule I was used to. My income dropped enough to qualify for Medicaid. Now, I’m getting a hip replacement, in less than a week. This journey has taken over 5 months. Hurry up and wait has been my mantra. In the mean time. The studio I work out of has tried to squeeze as much out of me as possible, before my surgery. I was going to work up until two days before. I didn’t take into account that I would be advised to stop taking the only, over the counter medication that helped me. Ibuprofen slows healing. SHIT!! So, my pain has been off the charts. I’ve been in a perpetual state of mild shock for a week now. I tried Tramadol, but it made me have homicidal urges. The pharmacists didn’t warn me about THAT side effect. Meditation and CBD oil have been my saving grace. Sleep has become a precious commodity. I’m now using a walker, like a cranky, old lady.
My pride is going to be my downfall. I have always been the captain of a healthy, fit, and agile body. Up until I had that fateful car accident. The cluster fuck that destroyed my recently paid off, favorite car, wrecked my knees, and wiped out my savings. The idiot cop who wrote up the report got the intersection WRONG. The witness was unreachable, so of course, I got screwed so hard. My ass still hurts. No one stepped up to help me in any way. So, I handled things as best I could. All the while, my body began to betray me. It began with minor aches and pains. Age related, I figured. Shut up and keep working. Well, it came to a point, where I couldn’t dismiss my pain or dysfunction with a flippant, ” It’s just a hitch in my hip. I’ll be fine.” anymore.
I collapsed, after working on two, new clients. A sweet, older couple from Canada. I was packing up to leave, when my body just decided to quit. I went down on their tile floor. I was both mortified and horrified. This was something that needed attention. No more denial. These poor, Canadians must have been just as horrifies as I was, but for different reasons. WHY AREN’T YOU BEING TREATED FOR THIS!? I used to work with a therapists who was from Canada. She has a husband with a great job with fantastic benefits. She also liked to brag about how great life is, in Canada. Health care and maple butter galore. But, she still had to pay out of pocket for her fake tits. (I have natural, DDDs and it amuses me to no end. Women with fake tits ALWAYS feel the need to complain about the problems of big tits. Oh, no, you don’t, Barbie! YOU chose those fuckers so STFU.)
So, besides dealing with pain and limited mobility. I have to deal with cunts. I have a few clients who seem quite upset. How dare I fall apart and not be available to take care of their needs. I hope the discover a new therapist. The vast majority of my clients are willing to wait for me to recover and get back to the work I love. These are the people I will go above and beyond for.
I’m learning to receive, without guilt. I’ve been conditioned to take care of others, first and myself, last. (Catholic upbringing.) This has been a long, hard lesson for me. I’ve always prided myself with being self sufficient and low maintenance. The doctors and hospital staff have been so kind and attentive, pre-op. I have been assured that I will be swarmed with attentive, medical staff throughout my hospital stay. 1-3 nights of being “spoiled” sounds delightful. Weird, right? It can only get better.
This is me, before I became a broken mess. Future goals!