It’s the quickest and steepest path to enlightenment.
When I was young, I never wanted to have children. I had other plans and knew being a mom was a hard, full time gig. I was also worried I wouldn’t be a very good mom. You see. I have always been an observant person. As a child, I could see the weariness and even resentment in the eyes of mothers. Even as they spouted the joys of motherhood. Misery loves company.
When I was pregnant, everyone wanted to tell me two things. How wonderful being a parent was and then, the worst case, pregnancy/parenting scenario they heard of or experienced. Why do people do this!? I don’t want to hear about your cousin. Who’s uterus came out, after the baby to punch her in the face and quit. It only reminded me of the many reasons I didn’t want to be a mom. Doctors and nurses, poking and prodding me like a prized mare. Making sure the baby was doing well and mother was healthy. Thank goodness, I had midwives. They made my pregnancy experience a delight. I felt cared for and no horror stories.
Too bad my labor and birthing experience was a nightmare. My doctor, who was 6 months pregnant herself, at the time. Told me I broke every rule in the book and mine was the most difficult labor and delivery she had experienced. That’s the way I roll. It’s also the main reason I have only one child. That said, I also have to say being a mom is an intense, joyful, terrifying, life experience.
I have met some women in my day, who don’t seem to take the job as mother as seriously as I do. Granted, I’m not perfect, but I try my best to do right by my son. They usually have many children. Like animal hoarders, they claim to love their charges, but don”t seem to put a whole lot of effort into the venture. They cry about how poor they are, but always seem to have money to go clubbing or whatever. Drop the kids off with grandma, friends or fathers and go out to have fun. I’m not dissing them. I just couldn’t do that myself. Only at the insistence of my mom, would I go out. She said I needed it. All mothers need some time to themselves. We need to connect with friends and remember that there is life outside of parenthood. Coming back to your child/children, refreshed is a joy for all.
Kids are fun! They make the holidays exciting, again. You can go play in the park, be silly and watch cartoons, without the raised eyebrow of strangers. It’s awesome.
I had a client the other day. I helped celebrate her 18th birthday. She has a 9 month old daughter, who she adores. She was telling me how having her daughter opened up life for her. She now, loved her body and was focused on her path in life. Becoming a mom was the best thing to ever happen to her. I totally got her. We shared stories, laughed and found kindred spirits in each other. Even though I was 29 when I had my son. I still didn’t feel like I was ready. All you can do is your best, with as much love as possible. It all comes out in the wash.
My son is 19. We hug before parting company and always tell each other “I love you.” For all the trials and tribulations of being a mom. I wouldn’t change a thing. I would have never known just how strong, resilient, and patient I am, without my son. It’s amazing how little sleep a human can function on, too. It’s all good.