Last night was the longest night of the year. As with every solstice, I set the intention to dream BIG.
I was not disappointed.
The one dream that stood out was this. I was on a scavenger hunt. The things on the list were pieces of myself that I had either lost, given up, or had stolen.
I went through my past. Revisiting friendships betrayed, childhood traumas, wrecked romances, and moments where I stared too long into the abyss.
I found my sense of trust. It was covered in dirt and half composted garbage. Chipped and cracked, I dusted it off and put it in my bag.
I discovered my sense of child-like wonder in an abandoned, derelict, playground. Tangled in the monkey bars. Like a kite. That too, went into the bag.
My boldness was gnawed, chewed up and covered with slobber. I had to take it from a small pack of dog things. They snarled and bared their teeth as I took it back. Then, turned into a bundle of adorable kittens when I placed it in the bag.
I found other pieces that can’t easily be named or described. They were like broken pieces of exquisite, china. I will take the time to clean and glue them back together.
It’s time to take back what is mine. To repair, restore and refurbish myself. To remember that walking a razors edge takes presence and concentration.
I have to remember that not everyone I meet and help is operating on the same level as I am. I’m honest to a fault. When I say I’m going to do something or be somewhere. It’s going to happen. Unless unforeseen events keep me from my promise. Then, I’ll let you know and apologize.
I don’t understand people who lie because they can. It’s a game to them. I don’t see the point.
People who are unreliable. They leave you in the lurch and never seem to feel bad for it. They even act as if it’s your own fault for trusting them.
I’m a sensitive person and have been teased for it all my life. It’s not as bad now, as it has been in the past. Thank goodness for people evolving and recognizing the benefit of a sensitive soul.
I don’t like it when people try to “save” me. I know they have good intentions. I hope they do. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Now, when I don’t want help. I’m usually bombarded with unsolicited advice. Then, when I actually ask for help or guidance. No one wants to know me. These are usually the same people who are the first to tell me what I SHOULD have done, when I fail. It’s maddening.
Massage therapist, artist, friend, bare foot, low maintenance, tattooed, smart ass, peaceful warrior who loves to garden and cook for people.