And being an artist means being creative. Holy shit, some people take a lot of creative thinking to love them. I’m sure I’m one of those people to someone.
I have a highly unstable client who LOVES my work. Yay me! I’m a crazy magnet. I can usually read her as soon as she walks in the door. Most times, I can keep her from spiraling out into a meltdown. Well, this time we had a communications breakdown and because no one directed anything at me, that I could see. I had a very full schedule and couldn’t spare any extra time to an attention sponge or passive aggressive, desk bunny. Well, I went about my day, not thinking much about it. Imagine my surprise when the owner called me in for a meeting. To discuss the “incident”. What I thought was a minor meltdown. The boss made an “incident”. It all worked out in the end. Made me realize the importance of being clear and kind with my speech. To understand the importance of perspective and everyone’s is different. I have a co-worker who will throw me under the bus without warning.
Badass couldn’t keep it going. The pond is filled in and on its way to becoming a memorial for an awesome fish. Who knew you could get so attached to a fish? Who knew how motivating grief was? Good-bye pond and Badass.
I have awesome clients. Recently, I’ve had a cluster of amazing people come in for work. Each one with a beautiful lesson. Beauty is an attitude. Self care is not selfish. I have no excuse to not get involved with community art projects and meet new people. Just because the last few circles I’ve been involved with became unfriendly the moment I stopped being what they expected/wanted. Doesn’t mean I have nothing to offer some other group. This ugly duckling will find its family.
I have been working through a lot of old, anger issues. I don’t know why they’re coming up since they’re so far in the past. It makes me mad at myself. I allowed so many people to be mean to me. To hurt with intent and without remorse. Evil Patricia has planned out elaborate, terrible vengeance. It’s a temporary feel good. It also scares me to know I can harbor such creative sadism. Just looking around and witnessing the madness going on. It’s enough to make me want to live in a bunker. Watching cartoons and coloring with crayons all day. But I can’t. I have bodies to rub. Art to create, and lessons to learn.