I am legion. So I like to joke when people ask me to describe myself. I love creative writing and have a gift for creating complex characters. You see, I have multiple worlds and creatures roaming through my head.
I’m never alone or lonely. I daydream a lot. Wondering if these thoughts and imaginations are actually glimpses into my other selves in alternate worlds.
Like a bundle of soap bubbles. I imagine the multiverse. Swirling in a mass of universes that slide against each other and sometimes, join to create an even larger bubble/universe. Some pop.
So, where am I going with this? Just musing about life. I’m pretty current and interested in politics. I’m horrified, angry, depressed, and at times, shocked into silence. I’ve protested, sent letters to local politicians, made phone calls to the White house switchboard, and signed petitions. I’m not sure it’s done any good, but I’d like to think at the very least, they know I’m paying attention. Yes, I have an inner paranoid, survivalist. I worry about the future and wonder if I want to die in the initial shit storm or fight to live in a wasteland.
I’ve been trying to live simply and kindly. I love nature and could joyfully, live in a tree, eat mushrooms, and talk to the wildlife. All my life, I have watched greedy, stupid humans dump garbage and poisons into a closed system. Don’t shit where you eat. So simple even animals known that. Peaceful protests have yielded little. Now, it’s so bad we’re actually fighting for our lives and the lives of the other earthlings. The greedy monsters, and they ARE monsters. They keep trying to kill all life. Like Davros from Doctor Who. The creator of the Daleks. He wanted to prove the superiority of his creations by destroying all other life in the universe. That’s just a crazy, Doctor Who villain. You can’t get much more over the top than that. Oh, I think we have a few, Davros-like people in places of power. I’m scared.
My inner anarchist is stockpiling camping gear, food, first aid shit, and a tool kit, full of monkey wrenches. My body won’t allow me to do much and I think that’s a good thing, right now. The rage is strong. I’m constantly being reminded of how willfully ignorant, mean, sadistic, cruel, stupid, and vain humans can be. This world has a massive, toxic ego problem. I’d love to be able to put LSD in the water that all government officials have access to. Magic mushroom pizzas with pot brownies. Everyone relax and re-humanize yourselves. It feels like anyone in the know is fighting and or sucking up to get a space on the ship out of here. Anyone watch the movie, They Live?
My inner, Zen monk with Yoda’s voice, gently tugs at me. “So chaotic, your thoughts are.”
Yeah, it’s time for a calming, meditation session. I can only do what I can do. In this body. In my other, incarnations I am part of the crew of a Sea Shepard ship. Saving sea life and catching poachers. In another, I am part of a group, who is blocking logging trucks. Still, in another, I am a community organizing, bad ass. Voter registration, community gardens, ride shares, child care and repair parties. There are even more, but those lives are a little, alien.
I’m learning to see my flaws in the people who irritate the shit out of me. My ego is having seizures. It’s just more work to be done. It makes me wonder. Am I just deluding myself? Is the reason I have few friends because I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. Or am I an irritating cunt? Maybe I’m partial, but I enjoy my own company. I think I’m hilarious, sometimes. I also think I can be a judgmental, bitch. I hate stupid people.
I used to date a man who would always tell me. “You overthink things.” Well, maybe because I’m very observant. I notice how your body language contradicts your words. I see patterns of behavior and hear your excuses, muttered like mantras. Telling me that I overthink things, sounds like gas lighting. Who needs any help in feeling like they’re crazy?